Sleepless in Middlefield
Like this hydrant, the busy mind runs out of control.
Why is is that our worst fears and anxieties seem to rear their ugly head minutes before we fall asleep? Problems always seem bigger than they are when its dark out. Situations seem more intense and if there is every any negativity in my mind, it happens as the sun sets. Last night my head swirled which silly enough began when I looked out the window and realized I missed the best photo opportunity of the summer. I had sat editing a job and inadvertently overlooked the most spectacular rainbow filled sunset. Mad at myself, I brushed my teeth and walked through my dressing room only to trip over the dog. For 15 years now I have tripped over black dogs. Some one remind me if I ever get another dog to make it a white one with better visibility or to purchase white carpet. Then I sat in bed thinking of the many things I had to do. Chris had fallen asleep so easily. On any given day, he’ll wake up at 4, deal with hospital stress, cover a hundred miles on a bicycle and be completely wiped out by bedtime. As he slumbers, my mind goes over the unattainable check list and the panicky feeling sets in. It keeps swirling and then I hear the squeak of the old door in my bedroom. There stands Peter unable to fall asleep. You would think I remember to oil that old squeaky door that can wake the dead. I growl under my breath and get out of bed. Great...now there’s two of us awake. Tiptoeing out I try not to wake Chris. Peter is in the exact same state I’m in. The boy has had difficulty sleeping since he was an infant. I go into his room and lay in his bed next to him. We stare at the ceiling realizing that at least were in this together. We sit and chat about all of the things making us upset. The realization comes to us that these little problems won’t be solved tonight. The issues that plague our minds late at night will somehow need to be checked on the reserved shelf for another day. As we try to clear our minds, I look at this little boy and feel fortunate to have him sitting next to me. He is my little miracle. Life is good, despite the discrepancies it sometimes has. Finally, I have a good thought that I can sleep on.
7/13/2011 10:34:44 pm
7/14/2011 03:44:38 am
I did the same exact thing last night - awake with worry. It is amazing how hugging your child can make you feel so much better!!
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